Baby books

Today I found these baby books I was given when I was expecting. I started flipping through them to see what I had written and I saw that they are practically empty. And I was heartbroken. Now I know you could easily forget to fill them out or get fed up after the baby is a few weeks old and just stop doing it. ( I mean who has the time to document every step of their baby's journey when they are dealing with a newborn !! And don't even get me started on the 2nd baby... sure you barely have time to take their photo at the start 🙈. )
But that's not what got me so upset. I realised that I had stopped because the kids just weren't hitting the milestones so I couldn't fill it up. I couldn't write Kirsty's first time waving goodbye or singing along to her favourite song because those things actually haven't happened yet. It must be 3 years since I stopped filling them out and still today I can't write those dates down. I can't fill in the chapter on Logan's first time saying Mama or Dadda because he hasn't said them. Those 2 iconic words that you dream about all through your pregnancy and after. When I got those baby books I so desperately wanted to be of those mothers tutting and saying " after all my hard work he says Daddy first. "
Now nothing would give me more pleasure than to hear my little boy call his daddy.

It's amazing how you can plod along in life and then something so unexpected can just floor you.
Reading those books, rifling through empty page after empty page I just felt truly gutted. I was consumed with a feeling of grief for what we have lost out on. I try to be positive and think of what is hopefully to come but what if it doesn't? Hope can be amazing but it also scares me. If our hopes and dreams for our kids don't come true, how do we live with that? Sure, we can only ask that they will always be safe and happy but I'd be lying if I said we didn't want more for them. Every parent does.

Flipping through that book brought me back to the days when we first heard autism and how absolutely devastated we felt. How everything was so unsure and unclear. I look at how far they have come and us, and I know we are doing everything we can do. But those empty pages tore through me. They were blank but somehow there was so much on them.

I almost felt angry at them. Like they were taunting me with their expectations of what a child should be doing at a certain age and time. Is everything that is acceptable in life on a schedule ? What about those that don't follow it? Where do they fit in ? Where is their baby book ? Maybe I should make one and call it " Their Steps ".
Their own little milestones at their own little pace and no guilt or hurt for the parents involved. Fill it out when and if you can, and if not write something else. Maybe my child didn't use a fork by 3 but they lined up every spoon in my drawer with perfect precision!!
It's an idea. I know a book like that wouldn't have resulted with me in tears tonight. I didn't have the heart to throw them away so for now they are hidden in a cupboard. Maybe some day I'll go back to them and complete those entries.
Some day...

💜💙💚💛❤️

Meeting grown up autism .

Today I had the most amazing encounter.
Me and my sister walked into Subway for breakfast and while we were ordering we spotted this young man sitting alone.
You couldn't help but notice him. He was flicking his ears every few seconds and checking his watch too. He spoke to everyone that came in and told a passing customer to enjoy their food.

5 minutes in there and we both knew. This was a young adult with autism. We sat down and within a few minutes he turned around and said to Joyce that she was gorgeous!!
He came over and sat by us and by God could this fella chat!!! We couldn't get a word in with him. 😂😂😂
He was talking to us about his books and the pictures he had with him. All about his favourite movies and his childhood.
I asked him where he was from... he had the strongest American accent but I wasn't surprised when he said Youghal. How many of your kids talk in an accent? He told us it was from watching too much tv. And then he said it... I have autism.

Maybe he didn't realise we knew but we did. Here was this young man. Happy, polite, well able to speak and hold eye contact but I found it so sad. You couldn't hide his traits.
He was just sitting there dying for a conversation. A security guard that was in the queue with us ignored him and laughed when he asked him where he worked. He was quite rude being honest, but this guy didn't even seem to notice.
He was such a nice fella.
And yes he talked too much about the latest Alien V's Predator movie and the star wars films but we didn't mind.
We were both thinking the same thing... I hope someone will be this nice to Logan or Kirsty in years to come if they are like him. He must have told Joyce she was gorgeous 10 times!! 😂😂😂

I told him about my situation and he said to me
" Don't let your kids go down the wrong path. Teach them to respect their special need and respect others".

Then he said he likes to compare people with autism to the mutants in X men because of their special gifts and talents. So he was only delighted to hear that Logan was named after the Wolverine from X men, James Logan!!
(That's a true story... Daddy is a huge fan.👌👌👌 )

After we left I'm sure he sat there and waited for more people. He had told us he liked to come to Subway most days as the staff were nice to him.
I don't know any autism parent that doesn't worry about the future. You worry will they be accepted and will people be cruel to them? He said plenty people had been cruel to him and then he stopped mid conversation and told us to listen to the song that was playing on the radio.
It was Kelly Clarkson " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ". 😊😊😊
I swear you couldn't make this up!! We were skitting at him. He was parting all his wisdom on us. When we got up to leave he shook our hands and said he hoped to see us again.

I've been thinking about him all day.
I hope some day if my Kirsty is sitting in a cafe reading a book and flapping her hands or if Logan is banging his ears and watching an IPad somewhere they won't get a rude security guard. I hope they get someone like me or Joyce who will be respectful and nice.
It was nothing to us but I'm sure it meant a lot to him.

Waiting.

So many people mail me or snap me about interaction and how to get more from their kids. Lots of kids with autism are happy to do their own thing and it can be hard to get their attention. A sure fire way to try and encourage interaction is by using the Hanen approach of "waiting ".
We did this course 3 years ago and I still use it everyday. First with Kirsty and now with Logan. You can do it with a multitude of things from singing to reading, even pausing the tv or iPad for a second. The aim of this approach is to try to teach the child that if they want you to continue what you are doing they need to give you a sign.
A sign can be anything from a gesture with their hand ( Kirsty used to put her hand to my mouth to get me to keep singing ) to a noise and hopefully, eventually a word like "go" or"again ".

Here are some tips we use.

1. Make sure the activity is something they love. If they aren't bothered when you stop it's not enough of a motivator.

2. It doesn't have to be singing or talking. Even something simple like pushing them on a swing or tickling. If they like it, it's a great little opportunity to get them to interact. We use 1, 2, 3 and then wait. And then wait some more !!! The waiting can be hard but it'll pay off.

3. If you are waiting and nothing is happening prompt. With Logan I'll wait and then if he doesn't vocalise I will say "go". And try again. The key is to increase the waiting from a few seconds to as long as it takes.

This technique really works for us. I recorded a little video of us practicing waiting so you all can see.
You will see when I stopped he began babbling, but I waited until he vocalised the word " home" as that's what I wanted from him. ( When you're starting off just the babbling is ok if that's all the language they have. 😊 )
When you get the interaction, be it eye contact or a sound it's always worth it.
I hope you all get some success too. Happy playing xxx

New goodies!!!

Hey everyone. I was in Mr Price on North Main street earlier and I picked up a few new toys for the kids. They were so cheap and they had loads !!! I could have got more but my sister dragged me out... apparently I have a shopping problem. 😂😂😂
Anyway I picked up new puzzles and magnets for Kirsty and a sensory toy for Logan. I'll talk about that first as it's the first picture.

He is not really into anything at the moment. We still haven't found "that thing " he loves yet. That toy or item that just clicks and really interests him. I say yet because we will keep looking. ( After all, hope springs eternal 🤞 )
He does like to play with a football but he'll only hold it in his arm so I thought this might be good for him. It's a ball but it has a rolling rainstick inside it too. They use these in the schools to teach cause and effect ( you do one thing and another thing happens) and because the rattling sound can be quite pleasing to a sensory seeking child. Kirsty used to love it. It teaches motor skills too as you have to rotate the stick in your hand to let the beads roll down. I think it was about 3 euro but I must have dropped my receipt as I can't find it so don't quote me!! 🙈🙈🙈

The next pictures are various insert puzzles with the alphabet and numbers. Ye all know how much Kirsty loves them. I pick them up wherever I can, especially big ones as she loves them the most. These can be quite dear in the big toy shops or online but these ones were bargains. Between €4 and €7 each I think but again I've no receipt.
Insert puzzles, especially ones like the chunky jumbo numbers one below, are brilliant for anyone starting out as they can be done with "hand over hand prompting".
This is what I will use to start Logan off, if I can keep him still for 5 minutes!! I'll just place my hand over his and drop the piece in. It's quick and you can reward immediately afterwards. This one is lovely and colourful too for grabbing attention.

Finally... new magnets. These were around €2. Colourful and fun, easy to use and great for matching and improving grasp and hand skills when sticking them to the fridge.
And with a bit of luck in time, some spelling too.

I love pound shops like Eurogiant or Mr Price. They're proof you don't have to go to places like Smyths to get your kids some fun stuff. I think I spent about €25 in total on all these.
Happy shopping everyone !! 😂😂😂