Some people can make your life so much easier by just offering the smallest of a kindness.
Let me tell you all about one such act.

So today I collected Kirsty from school and as a little treat I decided to take her to the drive through for chips. She doesn't eat chocolate or sweets so fries are her little indulgence.
I got all the way to the payment window before the blood drained from my face as I realised I had no wallet.
No money.
No card. 😳😳😳
Not even coins in the ashtray to scramble together.
I had completely forgotten I walked out with just my phone and no bag.
I apologised to the lady and drove away.😢

Now if this was any other child you could explain and say you'd come back with money.  But not where autism is concerned.  Especially non verbal autism.
The second I drove away Kirsty started crying and saying " ma chip, ma chip ". 💔💔💔
Imagine the panic.
I was gutted. 😢

I live about 8 minutes from there but that would be like an eternity to her so I drove to the nearest bank and parked up in the hope of getting cash and bringing her into the actual McDonalds to sit down. 🤞
On our way in, we met Emily from the Evolve therapy clinic in Mallow. I couldn't stay chatting long as Kirsty was so distressed so I quickly explained the situation.  Emily kindly offered to give me the money but I said there was no need and carried onto the bank.

Now not only did Kirsty not have her chips but we were going somewhere else she wasn't ready for so that didn't go well.
And guess what... Ya you can see where this is going. The fecking cash desk was closed since 12.30pm.
😳😳😳

Now I was thinking,
" I. Am. Screwed. I'm going to have to bring her home and come back and there will be WAR!! "😟

She was already clawing at her jumper at this stage, which she does to warn you that shit is about to hit the proverbial fan. And still saying " ma chip, ma chip " over and over and with tears accompanying her little voice.
I walked back to the car and Emily was just getting out of hers.  She looked over to see if I was sorted and I said " after all that the cash is closed " wringing my hands.
So she walked over and put €5 into my hand.  I said no over and over but she insisted.
Emily's the clinical director of Evolve where they offer speech and language, and OT services . She knows autism inside out. She worked with Logan at his toughest stage. She knew what I would be facing if I derailed from the chip plan once more.
So she insisted.  And deep down I knew I had to take it. I thanked her/ apologised to her about 5 times and promised her I'd repay her ASAP.🙈

Then I drove to the drive through and got my extremely distressed little girl some long awaited chips,with tears in my eyes. 💔

Look at her face. Even after she got them, you can still see the worry on her face. Even getting out of the car she was still so upset.
I used to think that only parents of ASD got ASD, but my god some professionals do, and Emily is one of them.
The last pic I took after getting home, Kirsty... calm and eating. This would be a very difference picture if I hadn't been so kindly helped.

Like I said, a small gesture but a HUGE impact.
I can't thank her enough.
Everyone please show her some love. She's an amazing lady.
I'll put her link in the comments.  I've always vouched for her professionally but personally she's even better. 💙

We love you Emily. You're fiver is on it's way, along with my eternal gratitude. 😂

💙💙💙

I love this.
We may be Kirsty and Logan's heroes to the world, but they are definitely ours much more.
They live in a world they don't understand , and in a world full of people that don't understand them.
Think of how things are experienced by them.
I can't imagine how confusing it must be.

This poem is my words, but from their perspective. ❤

People change their minds at the drop of a hat,
They eat strange things and talk way too fast.
In this busy world where people are loud,
They get too close to me and there's always a crowd.

My clothes feel too tight, those lights are too bright,
And flapping my hands keeps me awake all night.
My speech didn't come as soon as it should ,
And I hear them say sadly " if only she could ".

Each day things are hard, sometimes it's too much,
Sometimes I like cuddles,but other days " Don't touch ".
That thing that you're eating smells awful to me,
We look at something together but you don't see what I see.

This world makes no sense, so I try to make my own,
It makes people sad to see me alone,
But I try every day, let me learn slow and steady,
I'm happy in my world, I'll come out when I'm ready.

💙💙💙💙

I'm asked a lot of questions... and a very popular one is " will you have more kids? ".
We always wanted 3, that was our number. I thought it would be 3 girls as there's a serious shortage of boys in the Healy clan!😂  Logan was a huge shock!!

But unfortunately, just like this quote below, my answer is no.
It's the right answer, the sensible choice, but still it's the choice my head had to make and not my heart.
It was the choice myself and Brian made, after coming to the very sad conclusion that another child would just be too much of a risk.

I was pregnant on Logan when Kirsty was diagnosed so we didn't have a choice, he was on his way.💙
But as soon as Logan was diagnosed it became a very real possibility that more children would bring autism with them too.
How could we possibly cope?
And if a third child didn't have autism, would it be fair to them? Would all our time be taken up caring for Kirsty and Logan, and would it automatically fall to them to do so once we no longer could ? We both love babies, and wondered every day what it would be like.
We agonized over these questions but we both knew deep down the answer was there already. So at just 32 years old, a time when many couples are only starting their family plans,  we closed the book on having more kids.

It was the right choice.
And the most responsible one for us.
But not the easiest, and definitely the saddest.😢 Sometimes the head and heart don't reconcile and that's ok. I have days where I feel sad when I see baby bumps and days when I wonder what he/she would have been like... but it wasn't meant to be.
2 is our new number and that's more than enough.😊
👨‍👦👩‍👧

Another year down. Looking back 2017 was both good and bad for us. I've always been honest here so I'll start with the bad.😢

My sister fell pregnant and sadly miscarried, which resulted in some serious medical treatment afterwards. She powered through and was absolutely amazing. I couldn't love her or David more.

My dad was diagnosed with Motor neurons disease in Sept which completely crippled us all. We think we have problems in every day life but really it's the things that come out of nowhere that just devastate you. My parents are incredible. I owe them everything.
My dad is 1 of the 2 most important men in my life. It just broke my heart into millions of pieces. We are trying our best as a family to cope, that's all we can do.

I have to say the year wasn't all bad. My sister also got engaged and is getting married in 3 months!! Our daughter Kirsty finally became toilet trained, honestly one of our greatest achievements to date.
After 4 years of waiting, I heard the word "Momma" from my beautiful boy Logan and thankfully it wasn't a once off.  He says it often now, along with ""dadda" and most recently " nana".
And I'm hoping those words keep coming, like they are with Kirsty. His use of PECS has flourished and he also transitioned to a brand new school which anyone that understands autism will know is incredibly hard to do.

Now it's almost that time again. A new year approaching and thoughts of new resolutions and goals. It's funny, for as long as I can remember I used to pray to be thinner as my resolution. I'd swear every January, "this  would be the year I'd do it". Well I did it. I lost the weight this year and yes it makes you happy, but it won't give you everything you need. But it's one less thing to keep me awake at night and for that alone, it was worth it.

For 2018 all I want is peace.
Peace of mind.
Peace at home.
To know that whatever happens, my husband, my children and my family are ok.
At this moment in time that seems impossible. I know nothing will ever be the same for us.
We are facing a tough year ahead and it worries me sick. All we can do is make every day count and be there for each other.

I'd like to thank everyone for reading my blog in 2017. This is my outlet and you've all dried more tears than you'll ever know.

My best wishes for 2018.

Elaine 💙

This is a post solely dedicated to the people that have made helping my children their career... the wonderful teachers and their amazing SNA's.

I have always been vocal about Kirsty and Logan's school and how great they are but that was easy to say because Kirsty never gave them any trouble. She toddles into school every day with a smile and thoroughly enjoys it. Back in her first year at early intervention we had a few hairy days at the start but overall school has always been a happy experience for her.

This year that same early intervention class met Logan. Logan, the sweetest, most affectionate little boy I know, entered their classroom and I was a wreck.  Because I know.
I know how long it takes him to settle into a new place.
I know how hard it is to bring him back from a meltdown, how impossible it is to stop the screaming once he gets to that place.
I know the sheer volume of his cry, the pierce of his scream and how it can set other kids off, whose crying in turn then makes him worse.
I know the exasperation he feels when he can't communicate what he needs and the frustration that comes with it.
That frustration turns to biting, pinching, hair pulling and kicking.

I can live with all that because I'm his mom. It's my reason for being here. It's my job. Not the one I necessarily wanted or planned for, but I have it nonetheless.

But what about the people who do it voluntarily? Who get up every day and face all of the above for a child that isn't theirs?  Never knowing what the day will bring, if they'll be attacked or abused? How do they do it? I have always wondered, why would anybody voluntarily pick this job?

And I think I know why.
Because today might be the day.

The day they'll break through and finally watch a child use the toilet on their own,
Today, after months of trying, they might get a 6 year old to put down their baby bottle and pick up a cup and sip.
Today is the day they'll ring a parent after the school quietens down and say " he picked up the PECS card on his own ".

Of course they have to deliver the bad news too. When Logan's teacher calls me to say "he bit one of us today" I feel more sorry for her than me.  No one wants to make that call. Tuesday's one got to me and I was in tears. I asked her about their policy and what happens if it continues. I was bracing myself to hear he might have to leave and find somewhere more suitable.
And she simply said " That wouldn't happen, we will find what's right for him. That's our job "

That isn't a job. It's a calling. It's some sort of gift that appears in people and just makes them incredible.
If you're an SNA, a teacher involved in special education, a bus or taxi escort, a respite worker or anyway involved in the life of kids like mine, you are helping in ways you'll never understand. Thank you for choosing this job.

I salute these people today. I thank them.  They don't problem solve. They understand and they value.
We need so many more of them. 💙💙💙

The tooth fairy... autism style !!

Kirsty lost 3 teeth last year. She must have swallowed them because I never saw them and she never complained about them. But yesterday she pulled out a loose tooth and handed it to me!! Huge day for us.

Logan,
Happy birthday my beautiful boy. You've taught me more about love than I could ever have imagined. I'm so proud of you. I hope this will be your best year yet.
💙
Love Momma.

👇

Today you are four, those years went so fast.
I'd give anything to go back to days that have past.
I thought we had all the time in the world,
But you got big so quick, it went by in a whirl.

I think of the endless nights when you kept us awake,
Nights when I wished I could fix where you ached.
Days when I thought teething was my biggest worry,
I wished you along, to grow up in a hurry.

Now you're a big boy but you're still my baby,
You haven't spoke to us yet... next year maybe? 🤞
We'll wait here forever for it, your dad and me.
We are still the proudest parents we could ever be.

Your smile makes our whole world go around,
Your chuckily laugh is our favourite sound.
We'll love you unconditionally, until our days are done.
You're everything we could ever want in a son.

💙💙💙💙