Reducing language.
Nana's have the best parenting hacks!!! Here's my mom Anna O Connell teaching  Logan to throw and tidy at the same time.  😂

I recently learned at a Middletown Center parenting course, that many kids with autism can take between 8 to 15 seconds to process anything we say. Even 8 seconds might seem like nothing but considering you or I can process things in less than 1 second it's quite a long time.
Do any of you ever find your child repeats back what you say immediately? Apparently this is their way of giving themselves time to process and understand what you've said. Clever little things!!!

The tip is to reduce your language dramatically.  Keep it as short and as clear as possible for their brains to take it in.
And wait...give them time to answer.  I know I'm guilty of repeating myself 10 times in a row when I want them to do something so I'm working on that!!

Just a simple  one-word  command works better here so my mom is just saying "IN" rather than " put your Lego in the box "... and he's understanding and doing it. Plenty praise helps every task also. 😊

I'm super proud of him. ❤
This simple throwing exercise is building an important little skill. It's good for his arms from an OT standpoint, he's hearing language and it's great for his concentration aswell.
Less clean up for us too. 😂😂😂

Totally off my normal topic of Autism...

This post is about me as a person.  Not a mom, or a carer but just a woman.  I've struggled with my weight my whole life.  It has just always been an issue. Partly because I fecking love food and partly because food loves me!! If I'm sad or stressed it's my comfort, and when I'm happy I celebrate with food. And there's no point in saying " I only have to look at food to pile it on" because it wasn't looking at the food I was doing, it was eating it.🙈
A while ago I joined slimming world.  Over the years, after a back operation, a knee operation and 2 heartbreaking diagnoses for my kids I had let myself go.
The size 16's were getting tight and I wasn't happy. It can be easy as a mom to stop looking after yourself and focus on your kids. But I wanted some bit of myself back so I said I'd try it.
Now I'm not here to preach and say everything has changed and I'm now a model eater. It's tough. I still love food... a lot!! But it definitely helped the way I see food.  And one thing I did get from it was confidence. Before I joined I didn't wear flattering clothes.  I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving the house in a tight jeans and a body suit. I just didn't have the nerve. I looked at myself last night and thought, ok I'm not perfect, but for the first time in years I'm kind of happy with myself.

The jeans were a size 12 and I am super proud.  The belly is still there ( thanks Kirsty and Logan 😂 )and if I wasn't so lazy I could go to a gym and work on my arms but that's ok too. 😂  I'm in no rush to be skinny.  For now I'm just gonna give myself a pat on the back and say  " you've come this far... keep going ".

I know I'm a mom and that's my job... but I'm a girl too. It's good to remember that once in a while.
❤❤❤

Some days.  💙

Some days I can't fathom how I'll do this for life.

Some days I'm so tired I can't even look at a pecs book or a visual schedule without feeling sick so I just give them what they want.

Some days I hide in the bathroom and cover my ears just so I don't hear incessant stimming or screaming for a second.

Some days I get pinched, bitten, and my hair is torn out... all because a small boy can't tell me what's wrong.

Some days a little girl cries her eyes out to me and I have no idea why.

Some days I want to scream into a pillow because life is so fucking unfair.

Some days I can't believe I may never hear Logan say "momma"  or Kirsty say she loves me.

Some days the injustice of it all makes me feel like I can't breathe.

Some days I hate the life we have, and then I hate the guilt that comes with feeling like that.

Some days autism wins... and I lose. I lose my temper. I lose my head.  I lose my fight.

Some days are just too damn hard.
Today was one of them.

Xxx

One very tired Momma.

So as you all know our big girl is now fully trained.  Between here and snapchat loads of you have asked how we did it and if I've any tips. Now I'm no expert, I've only ever done one child and it took over 2 years but we got there so if I can help anyone else of course I'm happy too.  I wrote down a few things that hopefully will help ye too.👇👇👇

Daytime.

✔ Get all the help you can.

I didn't have the nerve to try her at home myself. I honestly didn't even know where to start but Kirsty's school was 100% on board and so that was 4.5 hours I didn't have to do it each day. They made it part of her schedule and it became a habit for her to go. Ask your childs teacher/ creche assistants to start as soon as you do. I had some schedules you can print off Google. We had them in each toilet and toilet icons on her PECS book and every bathroom door. Kirsty is a visual learner so that helped her too.

✔ Skip the potty if possible.

With kids that have additional needs, or are still non verbal it can be hard to move from the potty to the actual toilet. We never used a potty so we never had to worry about Kirsty being confused.  Some kids can just associate toileting with a potty alone and you'll be facing a brand new battle trying to introduce the real toilet.

✔ Rewards and Motivators are a huge part in this process.

Even getting Kirsty into the loo was a task for us. We set our timers to 20 minute loops and we went in every time they went off. She couldn't understand why she was in there and she'd cry constantly. I brought in everything I could to entice her in from her dummy and teddy to the Ipad and chocolate buttons. Hygiene wise it wasn't the best I know but needs must, and it helped to keep her arse in there. 😂
Anytime we got lucky and she did go the rewards were given instantly.

Oh and Remember.👇

⚠ Motivators have to be just that, motivating. If they can do without it they will. I used Kirsty's dummy as ours and the loo was the only place she could get it.
(What a mean Momma. 😂)

⚠ Rewards have to be quick and short. We used buttons but only one at a time.

✔ Time, time and more time.

Training a child that can't speak, to listen to their body takes time. It needs to become part of their routine until they understand why and learn from their body about needing to go. Although it's easier to spot that they are about to poop, it's much harder for pee. There were usually no signs and we wouldn't even know she needed to go until we saw the puddles or wet clothes. So we had to just make it routine.
Like I said above, we brought her in every 20 minutes at the start. She screamed and cried and often sat there and as soon as we took her out, peed on the floor in front of us, but still we stuck it out. I started from 1pm after school and aimed to get to 6pm before putting the pull up on for the night.  Some days I got there, other days I got to 3pm and gave in, but we did it for sometime each day. Believe me I had plenty tears myself. It was exhausting.
Anytime she went I showered her with praise. If she wet or soiled the floor we cleaned it without any fuss. I don't give the accidents any attention, even negative attention is attention to kids and can have the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve.
Eventually we were getting to 8pm before the pull up was going on. It just takes time and lots of it. Time, patience and plenty spare undies.😂


Night time.
(this is from a previous post so apologies for the repetition if you've already read it. 😊)

✔ Wait until they are ready.

We learned this the hard way.  Last year we tried Kirsty at night for 2 weeks.  She wet the bed 2/3 times a night, every single night.  She was still having accidents during the day so I don't know what we were thinking but it definitely wasn't the right time.
This time I did my research and I read that if a child goes 2 months without an accident during the day it's a good time to try at night. I left Kirsty's pull up on all summer, even when she was going in by herself.  I waited until I knew she had the understanding. And even though she was 100% trained at daytime that pull up was still full every morning and we didn't know why. Was it a comfort thing or a habit? I thought night time wasn't on the cards for a long time yet.

Then she woke early one morning, around 3am and when Brian checked it was dry. She didn't go until around 7 that morning so we knew she was physically capable of holding it at night.  The next morning was the same thing, only it was 6am when she woke. We realised she was waking dry and then going in the pullup so we knew it was time for it to go.

✔ It's not recommended to wake your child and bring them to the toilet.  Apparently it slows down the process of them learning to hold it subconsciously during sleep. We never did it as Kirsty barely sleeps as it is so waking her is never an option but it's each to their own so do what works for your house.

I hope this helps guys. Good luck to anyone starting.  It was a long hard process but so worth it.


Xxx
Elaine

Monday we took the plunge!!! 🙈
We sent Miss Kirsty to bed with no pull up on. I didn't know if she was ready but she has been so good during the daytime all summer so we said we'd try it. She had been going into the toilet on her own and totally stopped having accidents so we took a leap of faith.  And with Brian being home with his back for a few weeks at least we could share the sleepless nights.

I had everything ready. Wet pads under the sheet, spare sheets and duvets at the ready. She peed before bed and off she went!!
That night I didn't sleep a wink!! Every time I heard a peep I was listening outside her door.  I was fully expecting to be changing sheets  ( and her ) at 3am!!
Fast forward to 6am and she was dry!!! I couldn't believe it !!!
Now it's Friday morning and she has been dry every morning since!! I was afraid to  post about it incase we jinxed it but 4 nights in a row later and I actually think she's done!! She just clicked and now she has it. This. Is. Monumental.

I'm gonna just say it... well I'll scream it:

OUR DAUGHTER IS POTTY TRAINED !!!  😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

After 2 and a half years... we are just over the moon. I never thought we'd be here. To train a child that cannot speak has been one of the hardest and stressful things I've ever had to do. I've seen friends and family start and finish within 2 weeks and life never felt so unfair.  But we got there!!! I couldn't be more proud of her.
I'm in no way an expert but if anyone  is starting night training this piece of advice might help you.

Wait until they are ready. We learned this the hard way.  Last year we tried Kirsty at night for 2 weeks.  She wet the bed 2/3 times a night, every single night.  She was still having accidents during the day so I don't know what we were thinking but it definitely wasn't the right time.
This time I did my research and I read that if a child goes 2 months without an accident during the day it's a good time to try at night. I left Kirsty's pull up on all summer, even when she was going in by herself.  I waited until I knew she had the understanding. And even though she was 100% trained at daytime that pull up was still full every morning and we didn't know why. Was it a comfort thing or a habit? I thought night time wasn't on the cards for a long time yet.

Then last week she woke early one morning, around 3am and when Brian checked it was dry. She didn't go until around 7 that morning so we knew she was physically capable of holding it at night.  The next morning was the same thing, only it was 6am she woke. We realised she was waking dry and then going in the pullup so we knew it had to go.
We took a chance and it really paid off. She just amazes me!!!
Once more for the road...

OUR DAUGHTER IS POTTY TRAINED!!! 😄😄😄

Row row row your boat!!! 🚣🚣🚣

It's such a simple song and game but so great for encouraging eye contact and eventually speech.
Especially for early intervention before language comes, this type of floor play and interactive games are perfect.

Kirsty has always loved it. At the start if she even made a sound or gave a glance of eye contact we'd go again. It's important to wait and let them realise they need to so something if you want to continue.  Even the smallest sign is ok as you can build on it.
Now Kirsty will say "again " or "go" and sometimes even "Momma, again ". Any sign of a word and we are weak!! 😁😁 Her teacher was playing it in school with her yesterday and she couldn't believe the eye contact and interaction she was getting.
Logan loves it too. The faster the better for him. Brian thinks he'll have whiplash!! 😂😂

Try it with your little ones.  Even do one or two lines of the song to build it up and then go longer and longer each time. If they'll sit on your lap that's great but some kids cannot tolerate that closeness so a mat on the floor works just fine too.

Happy rowing!!!

❤ A letter for any new special needs moms. ( And maybe a reminder for any existing ones.)

Hey you.
Yes you. Sitting at the kitchen table with your head in your hands. Crying tears that seem endless and sighing every breath. You didnt sleep last night did you? You probably haven't sleep properly since you heard it. That word that brought the whole world to a standstill. That word that took away all the plans you made and confirmed the worst fears you had...
Autism.

Now girl... I know what you're thinking.
How can such a small word be such a huge word?
How can that child you've always known seem so different somehow?
Why us? Why them?
I know we did nothing wrong but did we? Did we miss something?
How are we going to cope... and what the hell do we do now?

The reason I know you're thinking the above is because I did. I sat at the table and sobbed. I sat on my mom's couch the next day and cried even more.  A week later... and still the tears were flowing with no sign of stopping.  It seemed like every time I even thought of the word "autism" my brain sent a signal to my eyes to fill up again. I honestly thought I'd never feel happy again. I mean how could I? The most important thing in my life and this is what she had been dealt.
And that feeling of sorrow was only ever equalled once more. When I heard "Autism" again. Only that time I felt like the pain would actually crush me. I thought " there's no way we'll make it through this a second time".

People ask me every day how do I cope? They ask me how do we do it and say they couldn't. I always answer the same, " we have no other choice, you just do it". But then recently someone asked me "How did you get through it?"
And that one, I had to think about.

The truth is we didn't get through it. Yet. We are still wading through, we will always be. Because it's for life. They'll always be our kids and they'll always have Autism so we will always only be getting through it.
If I stop and think for even a second, I'm right back at my kitchen table with you lady.  I can feel every bit of how that felt. How scared and alone me and Brian felt.  How angry and hurt and completely devastated we were. Both times. It's all there planted in my brain and I'm sure it'll never leave.

So I say this to you Momma. You, sitting at your table crying or sitting in your car after you've arrived home but you just can't face going in.
Breathe. And breathe again. Take this time to just breathe.  Nothing has to be done tonight. You think you don't have time but you do. Just let it sink in.
And then listen to me...
You CAN do this. Your child needs you. This is what you are here for. Be their voice, be their champion. Fight for everything they need.

Believe me when I say you won't get it all right. You'll cry and scream and wish things were different but you'll do it all the same.
You got this. Even on the days you think you don't, you do.

Because that's what Momma's do. ❤❤❤