Things it hurts to hear as an autism parent.

I rarely lose it. I keep my cool when people ask me things like " What if they never talk?" or say things like " just put the food on her plate, if she's hungry enough she'll eat it. " I politely explain that she has sensory issues when inside I'm screaming "you don't get it... she would actually starve before eating that". I keep cool because I 100% understand that people don't get it.  Through no fault of their own, of course. It's simple... if you don't live with autism there is no way you could get it.
Only another autism parent knows the sheer joy of seeing their child finally try a new food or make some attempt to say a word that you have repeated 7 million times.
But even I have a limit. I draw the line at things I think people should have the common sense they were born with not to say.  Just the other day at my slimming world group I was waiting in line. I had Logan in his buggy watching his Ipad. He wasn't screaming, crying or trying to get out. For him, I couldn't ask for more and I was happy he was being so good.  On my right I could hear 2 older ladies commenting on how ingrained the kids are with technology these days, their subtle tones of disapproval not going unnoticed by me. I was sure I even heard a tutting at one stage but they forced a smile when I eventually stared over at them.
Like I said, I normally keep it cool but they'll never know how hard it is for a child like Logan to just sit in a buggy, in a busy room and not get overwhelmed. I do.

Anyway... the queue moved along and a girl sitting next to me on my left, who had her own little baby in a pram, started chatting to me about Logan.  She then asked him a question, something along the lines of " is Santa coming ? What's he bringing?"
I got the usual pang in my chest I get when people talk to him and expect a response before I launched into my trusty " he is non verbal, he has autism ". To which this lady replied... " Oh you'd never think it by looking at him.  "

Yes. Seriously. People still say that.
Now maybe it was the other ladies that had started the fire in me by talking about the Ipad but for the first time ever, I retaliated. I looked at her and said "I'm not sure what autism is supposed to look like really".
Cue awkward silence, followed by quick backtracking about how she meant he just seemed so happy.  Are the 2 mutually exclusive?? Is there a rule that says kids with ASD can't be happy?? Whoever made that rule never saw Kirsty running around the house naked or saw Logan jump with delight at his favourite part of Mickey Mouse.
I answered that he is actually quite a happy child and to her immense relief I'm sure, she was next in the queue.
(I'm sure she won't be sitting next to me this week !!)

Maybe she didn't mean anything hurtful, I'd like to think not. I do know that for every 100 times you hear a comment like that as a autism parent, there are 99 times you'll nod politely as you die inside. But there's also that 1 time that you just can't help it.  You'll say what you feel and to hell with the consequences.

I guess the moral of my story is that we as parents, have feelings.  Raw, weary, extremely strong feelings that bubble close to the surface every day and to which the smallest thing may cause to overflow. Be kind and think how you'd feel if you were that parent. It's hard to be PC all the time I know but sometimes it's just takes common sense.

Xxx
Elaine.

PS.  The following comments are also best avoided with me!!!

* He's just being bold.
* Should she really spend that much time on the Ipad?
* It's about time she gave up the Liga.


  Thanks Y'all.