Christmas.

It's that time of year again. Everyone is happy and excited and all children hear is Santa Santa Santa!! I have always loved Christmas but I have to put it out there, its twinged with a little sadness for me. We get past Halloween and get to November and I start to feel that ache in my tummy.
The ache that another year has passed and our kids still don't know who Santa is or why we have to put a big glittery tree in the middle of their front room. It is hard to put on the brave face and smile when shopkeepers or strangers ask them "what is Santa bringing?". I do it myself to kids all the time. I think the whole concept of Christmas is all about children. They make it. So its totally understandable that the adults focus on them.

Before we had autism in our lives, I imagined Christmas the same as everyone else. Posting letters and hiding presents in Nana's house. Assembling toys at 3am when they were asleep and leaving cookies and milk out for Santa and Rudolph. I even looked forward to running around toy stores like a maniac looking for that one toy they just had to have before it was sold out. Sadly we don't have any of that. The harsh truth is that Christmas day will be just like any other for us. We'll try our hardest to make it normal. There will be presents under the tree that they may or may not look at. We will make a big deal out of all the new stuff and keep hope alive that they'll get caught up in the excitement. Maybe this year they will. Today I kept saying "Santa" to Kirsty and showing her his picture. Maybe she will take it in, in some way... even it it's just to herself. I think Logan is still too young to even try to get it but maybe that's just me trying to make myself feel better. Do 3 year old children have much knowledge of Santa? I honestly don't know. All I know is autism. I hate that feeling of not having the same Christmas experience everyone else gets. It feels too unfair sometimes, like our life is hard enough, but this is too much. Like even autism took a step too far. Most things we can take but this one hurts.

This year I'm making a conscious ( and extremely tough at times) decision to focus on the good. I'm not usually good at that stuff.  I tend to deal with the negative stuff better. I say it out and that's how I deal with it and then I move on. But so many people are worse off than us this Christmas I want to try to keep that in mind. With luck we won't be spending Christmas at a cemetery crying or in a hospital ward sick with worry. We won't be in a cold doorway wondering where our next meal is coming from or lying awake at night thinking how we will pay for all the things we need to buy. We have a home, 2 healthy happy children and a family we can rely on. Much more than many others will have. I'm not saying it won't be hard. It will be a sad day. I 'm sure we will cry like we did last year but then we will dry our tears and smile and enjoy what we have. Even if it's not the normal Christmas, it's still ours and sometimes, that's enough.

To make Christmas a little more autism friendly here's a few tips that work for us. 

* One gift at a time.  Last year we laid them all out together and it was overload for Kirsty which resulted in her leaving them all. This year I'll introduce them bit by bit over the day. 

* Stop the big busy visits. It was far too much for the kids last year so we have had to adjust. This year we will go visiting on Christmas eve and Christmas day will be spent at home where they are most comfortable. 

* Buy sensory friendly toys. This year Santa is bringing a bubble tune, a disco ball, an indoor hammock swing and a pop up tent. All fun and functioning at the same time. 

* Remember that it's just another day for some of our kids. I will let them eat their normal food and try not to let it hurt. Some day they might demolish a Christmas dinner. You never know !!

* Christmas clothes!!! The hardest one for me as I love dressing them up.  I have had to try to accept that they may not like them or even stick them on for 5 minutes. Kirsty may spend this year naked. If I lucky I'll keep jammies on her. Once again we adjust. I'm hosting dinner this year for 9 adults and 4 kids, all who will be attending in Mickey Mouse pyjamas. How bad!!!!

Merry Christmas everyone.  I hope it's happy and more importantly peaceful xxx