Being autism parents.

Lots of people ask me how do Brian and I deal with our situation. I'm sure they wonder how the stress hasn't broke us up yet and how do we cope as a couple knowing the future is so scary and unclear.
To be honest we've been through it all. Unless you are a couple in this situation you couldn't fathom it. We have dealt with every emotion that a couple could.

I'll start with guilt.

I know the question that burns in people's minds when it comes to autism. Some people even come right out and say it. Where did it come from, your side or his?
And I won't lie, I know we've both wondered. At one stage or another I'm sure we saw something in each other's habits or personalities and thought " Oh ya, that's where they get it".
I've felt guilty for thinking it and also felt guilty for any traits I have that I could have passed on. But the truth is that it came from neither side. No one in his family nor mine has ASD. Between us we have 7 sisters, 2 brothers, 16 nieces, 3 nephews and no autism, except with us. The rational side of me knows we have nothing to feel guilty about. The emotional side begs to differ. That's the harsh reality of the autism we know. It literally came out of nowhere.

Which brings me to another emotion... injustice.

Many a time we have said to each other why us? And that is not us wishing it on anyone else instead, just us wondering why autism happened here. I know we have both wondered if we had married someone else would it be the same? Is it just our DNA together that brought it into our lives? I don't know anybody that wouldn't ponder these things from time to time. " What if's" are human nature. Maybe it is unfair and I think it's ok to feel that way. Our kids didn't ask for this. For their life to be harder than others but it's here and we deal with it.

The strongest emotion in this marriage is love. As corny as that sounds it's true. We have been through the worst times imaginable and we made it out the other side. Endless nights of sleep with a screaming baby boy who just wouldn't stop. 2 and a half years to be exact. We still have 2am wake up calls from Kirsty who thinks it's time to get up and play. All of that pales in comparison to the heartbreak and worry we have for the kids and their futures. The underlying tones of sadness we feel when other kids around us flourish and ours are so far behind. Hearing child after child in our families say they love their parents and longing to hear it ourselves. The thing that gets us through is that we are in it together. No one knows how I feel but him and vice versa. That's a special bond to have, for any couple.

On days when the kids drive us spare, we say " It's us against them and them little feckers won't win." 😂😂😂
We may be their biggest supporters but we are the ones that get the most fed up of them too!! I'm sure it's like that in many households.
But at night when they are asleep, we remember we are still a couple and not just a mom and dad. Don't get me wrong... we fight. We absolutely bug each other.
Apparently I can't load a dishwasher to save my life and asking him to cut the grass requires at least 3 months notice.
He says it's grounds for divorce if I leave one more teabag in the sink but he thinks that it's acceptable to tear apart a basket of clean washing just to get the t shirt at the bottom of it. God forbid he actually put them away!!! 🙈🙈🙈

I wouldn't have it any other way. We are far from perfect but together we fit.
We are partners for life and I couldn't do this job without him. ❤❤❤