❤ A letter for any new special needs moms. ( And maybe a reminder for any existing ones.)

Hey you.
Yes you. Sitting at the kitchen table with your head in your hands. Crying tears that seem endless and sighing every breath. You didnt sleep last night did you? You probably haven't sleep properly since you heard it. That word that brought the whole world to a standstill. That word that took away all the plans you made and confirmed the worst fears you had...
Autism.

Now girl... I know what you're thinking.
How can such a small word be such a huge word?
How can that child you've always known seem so different somehow?
Why us? Why them?
I know we did nothing wrong but did we? Did we miss something?
How are we going to cope... and what the hell do we do now?

The reason I know you're thinking the above is because I did. I sat at the table and sobbed. I sat on my mom's couch the next day and cried even more.  A week later... and still the tears were flowing with no sign of stopping.  It seemed like every time I even thought of the word "autism" my brain sent a signal to my eyes to fill up again. I honestly thought I'd never feel happy again. I mean how could I? The most important thing in my life and this is what she had been dealt.
And that feeling of sorrow was only ever equalled once more. When I heard "Autism" again. Only that time I felt like the pain would actually crush me. I thought " there's no way we'll make it through this a second time".

People ask me every day how do I cope? They ask me how do we do it and say they couldn't. I always answer the same, " we have no other choice, you just do it". But then recently someone asked me "How did you get through it?"
And that one, I had to think about.

The truth is we didn't get through it. Yet. We are still wading through, we will always be. Because it's for life. They'll always be our kids and they'll always have Autism so we will always only be getting through it.
If I stop and think for even a second, I'm right back at my kitchen table with you lady.  I can feel every bit of how that felt. How scared and alone me and Brian felt.  How angry and hurt and completely devastated we were. Both times. It's all there planted in my brain and I'm sure it'll never leave.

So I say this to you Momma. You, sitting at your table crying or sitting in your car after you've arrived home but you just can't face going in.
Breathe. And breathe again. Take this time to just breathe.  Nothing has to be done tonight. You think you don't have time but you do. Just let it sink in.
And then listen to me...
You CAN do this. Your child needs you. This is what you are here for. Be their voice, be their champion. Fight for everything they need.

Believe me when I say you won't get it all right. You'll cry and scream and wish things were different but you'll do it all the same.
You got this. Even on the days you think you don't, you do.

Because that's what Momma's do. ❤❤❤