The trials of a non verbal house...
Today Kirsty wasn't well. Unfortunately I didn't know this until I tried to give her a dinner and she threw up 2 spoons in.
We get no warning because she can't tell us. Unless it's a high temperature I've no clue. Because she's so easy going most of the time I thought is was a one off but she vomited again in the bath later this evening. One minute she's splashing around, the next she's sick.
No warning, no " Momma my tummy hurts ", just sick straight out of the blue. It worries me no end to think she's in pain and can't tell us.
The day we flew to Spain in July she came downstairs with what could only we described as a huge burn on the back of her arm. The burn has since healed and scarred and I still have no idea what happened to her. No idea at all... So I've no way of making sure it doesn't happen again. The reality is I can't watch her 24/7.
We get no warning because she can't tell us. Unless it's a high temperature I've no clue. Because she's so easy going most of the time I thought is was a one off but she vomited again in the bath later this evening. One minute she's splashing around, the next she's sick.
No warning, no " Momma my tummy hurts ", just sick straight out of the blue. It worries me no end to think she's in pain and can't tell us.
The day we flew to Spain in July she came downstairs with what could only we described as a huge burn on the back of her arm. The burn has since healed and scarred and I still have no idea what happened to her. No idea at all... So I've no way of making sure it doesn't happen again. The reality is I can't watch her 24/7.
Yesterday we heard a scream and then heard Logan crying. He came in bawling, and once again we had no idea why. It's Calpol " just incase " and that's it.
Add that to an extremely high pain threshold and you can be faced with a serious injury that no one knows about. One time I saw Kirsty fall flat on her face and I was 100% sure she had broken her nose. She hit the ground helplessly and so hard that I was afraid to look, but she got up and literally dusted herself off and walked out whimpering.
She just got on with it. Her resilience amazes me but it makes me sad that she doesn't come over, arms out, looking for comfort. 💔
Add that to an extremely high pain threshold and you can be faced with a serious injury that no one knows about. One time I saw Kirsty fall flat on her face and I was 100% sure she had broken her nose. She hit the ground helplessly and so hard that I was afraid to look, but she got up and literally dusted herself off and walked out whimpering.
She just got on with it. Her resilience amazes me but it makes me sad that she doesn't come over, arms out, looking for comfort. 💔
An odd and very rare time Kirsty might point or gesture to what hurts and that itself is a gift from God. Last year on a flight she put my hands over her ears and even though I couldn't stop her ears from popping, just knowing why she was crying made me feel a little less of a failure. At that moment at least I wasn't worrying what the hell it could be, when it literally could be anything!!!
When your kids cry, as a mom it's your job to fix it. It's in your core, at a most fundamental level to find out what hurts and make it better.
Autism steals that ability from us as parents. We are winging it, the same way we did when they we're newborns only now there's no one to say " that baby is hungry " or " they grow out of that ".
The reality is they aren't babies anymore but somehow they still are.
Maybe they always will be. And we have to send them out into the world totally unarmed.
Unless they find a way to communicate effectively, be it with words or otherwise, we'll always be guessing.
Autism steals that ability from us as parents. We are winging it, the same way we did when they we're newborns only now there's no one to say " that baby is hungry " or " they grow out of that ".
The reality is they aren't babies anymore but somehow they still are.
Maybe they always will be. And we have to send them out into the world totally unarmed.
Unless they find a way to communicate effectively, be it with words or otherwise, we'll always be guessing.
And that is a scary prospect.
😢
😢
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